Call Me Voldy
by redsoxfreak01
Summary: Harry goes out to try and befriend Voldemort. There he finds out that he is really a nice guy, just misunderstood. My first fic! Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

"I'm tired of this" Harry said one morning at breakfast. "Tired of what?" Ron asked him

"Tired of everybody trying to catch Voldemort. I mean – he seems like a really nice guy! I'm gonna try and be friends with him!"

Harry got up from the table, got his stuff from his dormitory, and left Hogwarts. It's as simple as that. He knew where Voldemort was – everybody did. He was living at the Riddle House. Harry flung out his right hand and the Knight Bus appeared.

"Where to?" asked Stan Shunpike

"The Riddle House." Harry replied

"What?" said Stan, "But that's where Voldemort is!"

"I know," Harry said, "I'm going over to be his friend! And I'm bringing him these lovely flowers. See?"

"Have you lost your marbles?" Stan said

"No sir, they're in my trunk. D'you want me to show them to you?"

"Uh, no. That's okay, just pay me."

"How much?"

"11 sickles"

"I want to buy a Pygmy Puff with some of this money, so how about I give you 4 sickles!" Harry said,

"4! That's outrageous! Pay me properly or we're not driving you."

"How do I pay you properly? Do I go down on one knee or something?" Harry asked

"Ok" Stan said, "I can tell that you have some serious problems, so I'm just going to accept these 4 sickles and take you straight to St. Mungo's."

"OK, I'll visit St. Mungo's." Harry agreed, "But you have to take me straight to the Riddle House after that."

"That'll be up to the Healers. Now get in"

The bus was filled with chairs. Harry walked to the back of the bus and tapped a man on the shoulder. "Excuse me." He said.

"What?" asked the man

"I want to sit here. Go sit somewhere else please." Harry requested,

"Sorry lad but I was here first." The man replied

"But I need to sit here. I'm going to get mad at you!" Harry warned

The man ignored him and started reading the paper. Harry threw himself onto the floor and started pounding the ground with his fists, having a huge tantrum. He screamed and kicked and cried. The man stared in shock. He hastily got out of the chair and ran to the farthest seat away as possible. At this Harry got up from the ground and stopped the tantrum. He smiled at the man and politely said "Thank you!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to my reviewers: Lady Elbereth Tealrose, DracosAngel64, xesha, Raiyevern, GinnyWazlibRocks, Emily Le Strange, Rayvn-Amre, rox n sox, and Invader Neo. I dedicate this chapter to you!**

Harry sat down. He decided it was too quiet, so he stood up.

"Attention! Attention everyone!" he said, "Where's your happiness? Let's all sing 'The Wheels on the Bus'!"

"You _are _mental!" a man exclaimed.

"They said in The Daily Prophet that you were smart! I say you're bonkers!" exclaimed another.

Harry ignored them and burst into song, "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town…"

People stared at him. He stopped singing for a moment, "Sing along!" he ordered the people. Most of them, who had seen his tantrum before, started to sing along in fear that he would go nuts again. However, the man who Harry had forced out of his seat was silent, reading his newspaper again. Harry noticed and walked up to him. "Sing along!" he ordered him.

"No," the man replied, and returned to his paper.

"C'mon! Don't be blue! Put a smile on!" Harry said.

"Tell me one reason why I should," the man said.

"Don't make me tickle you!" Harry said.

"I'd like to see you try. I am a very important man, working for The Ministry of Magic."

It was a mistake to say this. This man obviously didn't know never to doubt Harry Potter.

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked, "Well take _THAT_!" Harry jumped on the man and started to tickle him.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhh!" The man yelled, "Get off me!"

"No!" Harry replied, still tickling.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh!" The man yelled again!

"Potter!" called Stan Shunpike from the front of the bus, "We're at St. Mungo's! Time to go visit the healers!"

"Ok," Harry agreed and got off Mr-Important-Ministry-Employee. He walked to the front of the bus. Before exiting, he turned around and waved goodbye to the people, "Bye! It was fun singing with you!" he said and left. Stan took him to the entrance of St. Mungos. "Oh, hello!" Harry said excitedly to the ugly manikin, "How are you? I'm going to see Voldemort!"

Stan rolled his eyes and let them in to the hospital and up to the front desk.  
"What's wrong with him?" asked the witch at the desk,

"Honestly, I don't know!" replied Stan, "But -. Well-. Tell her what you're on your way to do Harry!"

"I'm going to go bring Voldemort these flowers, and befriend him while I'm there!"

"Oh my goodness!" said the witch, "Well, I don't think we can help him here! I'd say he's just naturally mental! Have a good day!"

"You too!" said Harry as he and Stan left, "So, can we go to the riddle house now?"

Stan sighed, "Okay."

**Sorry if you didn't like this chapter as much as the first. Next chapter Harry's on his way to meet Voldemort! Please review! And I promise we'll see that important ministry wizard again. Any guesses who he is?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to bookyboo, the big green blobby thingy, Little Lightning 99, Cher, and Selena Slytherin for reviewing.**

**Also, thanks to xesha and Lady Elbereth Tealrose for reviewing to _both _chapters.**

**xesha- I'll try to put some jokes in!**

**Lady Elbereth Tealrose – I know the chapters are short,**

**and I'm sorry! And by the**

**way, you were close by**

**guessing Rufus Scrim-thingy**

"Maybe I shouldn't take you back on the bus – for the safety of my customers. Have you passed your apparation test?" Stan asked,

"Yes," said Harry, "But I don't like it. Why are you asking? Do I have to apparate? I want to go on the bus! I can't apparate alone!"

"And why would that be?"

"It's _scary_!" Harry said, eyes wide and fearful.

"_It's _scary?" Stan mumbled to himself, and then said to Harry, "Fine. You can walk from here. It isn't too far. You should be there in about a week."

"A week? I bet I can get there in an hour!"

"I'd like to see you try!" said Stan

"I'll bet you!"

"How much!" said Stan

"My entire Gringotts vault." Replied Harry

"What? OK, you're on!" Stan exclaimed,

So Harry started his walk to the Riddle House.

ONE WEEK LATER

"I made it! I have to give my whole Gringotts vault to Stan but at least I get to keep these flowers that I brought for Voldemort."

He walked up to the Riddle House and knocked on the door.

**There you have it, Chapter 3. Sorry it wasn't very long (or very good) but I can assure you that the next chapter will be better (and longer). Please continue to R&R and ask me any questions you may have – I'll answer them! Harry meets Voldy next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm finally writing chapter 4! Sorry that it took me so long to update, but I had writers block! Well here we go:**

The door was so old that it fell over.

"Oops!" said Harry, but he continued to knock on thin air.

ONE HOUR LATER

Harry was getting kind of tired of knocking so he called out,

"Hello? Hello? Where are you? Voldemort?"

Then Voldemort came to the door. "I'm not interested in buying Girl Guide Cookies, thanks." He said, and started to walk away.

"Hey, I'm not a girl!" Harry said, "I'm Harry Potter!"

"You!" he said, "Aren't you the little runt who survived my killing curse?"

"Yep!"

"What are you doing here? Please don't kill me! I didn't mean to kill your parents!"

"Oh, I don't blame you for that!" Harry said cheerfully

"I- You don't?" Voldemort asked him.

Harry shook his head, "Nope. It was obviously the work of some big, evil, ugly, green slug from outer space! I have evidence to prove it too!"

"You do?"

"Yep!" Harry said proudly. He held up a Ziploc bag full of goo. "See!" he said triumphantly.

"That would be toothpaste." Voldemort said,

Harry gasped, "Another clue! Good job Mr. Voldemort! You know, you and I would make a good team!"

"Um, Mr. Potter, why exactly are you here?" Voldemort asked, "You don't work for the Ministry, do you?" he asked suspiciously

"Nope! I'm here to be your friend!"

"Oh, in that case, come on in! I was just about to make some cherry kool-aid!"

"Alright!" said Harry as he entered the house. "Oh, I almost forgot!" he said, "I brought you some flowers!"

"Are they tulips? Tulips make me sneeze!" Voldemort said

"No, they're dandelions! Aren't they lovely?"

"Dandelions are weeds, Potter."

"Oh!" Harry replied. He threw the flowers over his shoulder. "Now Voldemort…"

"I thought we were gonna be chums!" Voldemort said, "Don't call me Voldemort. I never liked that name. It's too long. Call my Voldy! It sounds much better!"

"Ok Voldy!" said Harry.

The two had a good night drinking cherry kool-aid and laughing together. Harry discovered that Voldy was a very nice man, just very misunderstood by the public. It got very late and Harry grew tired.

"Come on, Harry!" Voldemort said, "Why don't you sleep in my spare bedroom?"

So Harry went up to Voldy's spare bedroom and fell asleep almost instantly.

**Don't worry this isn't the end! Problems start to happen in the next chapter! Sorry if you didn't like this one – I don't think I did a very good job! If a lot of people don't like it I guess I could rewrite it. It's long though – that's good, isn't it? Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Now that I look back on my already written chapters, I don't think that I could ever write that well again. But I'll try. Don't expect the story to go uphill though. Sorry for not writing for so long. I just couldn't find time!**

Harry awoke early the next morning and went downstairs. Voldemort was humming 'You are my sunshine' while cooking breakfast.

"Hey Voldy!" said Harry.

"Hey Harry! How's my young scarheaded friend?"

"Please don't mention my scar," said Harry, "It's one of my many insecurities."

"Oh. My apologies." Voldemort said. "So, uh, how is that green space slug theory coming?"

"It's a big, evil, ugly, green slug from outer space." Harry corrected, "And I think I have a new lead."

"What?"

"Well, I awoke this morning in a wet bed."

"You mean you wet the bed?"

"No you idiot!" Harry said angrily, "I mean the big, evil, ugly, green slug from outer space struck again! And look what I found in your bathroom! A whole tube of evidence!"

"Put the toothpaste tube back Harry. I need it."

"I'm sorry Voldy, but you can't have it back. The space goo may be poisonous. We need to thoroughly examine it before I can give it back."

"Right. And where do you suppose we analyze it?"

"Never fear, I have it all covered. To the Harry Lair!" he said.

Spy-movie music began to play in the background. Suddenly the piece of floor Harry and Voldy were standing on started to sink (A/N: You've seen spy movies or cartoons. You can imagine!).

"Now," said Harry when the finally reached a door, "For the password."

"What's the password?" asked Voldy.

"You'll see!" said Harry. He turned to the door and pressed a button. A microphone popped out so fast it hit Harry in the eye. "Aaarrrggghhh!" he yelled.

"Password incorrect!" said a mechanical voice.

"Harry Lair." Said Harry.

"Password accepted."

The two of them walked through the door into the Harry Lair. The Harry Lair was not at all impressive. The words 'harie lare' were written in crayon on a long piece of paper hanging from the ceiling. In the middle of the room there was a flagpole. At the top there was a flag fluttering in a non-existant wing. The flag depicted a childish looking drawing of Harry.

"Come over here!" said Harry, leading Voldemort to a wardrobe. Voldemort followed. Harry opened the wardrobe to reveal pink bunny costumes. "Tadaa!"

"What are these for?" asked Voldy

"Well," explained Harry, "We need to wear them in case of an invasion. If a big, evil, ugly, green slug from outer space attacks, we need to be prepared."

"So where do the bunny suits come in to the picture?" asked Voldy

"Well, big, evil, ugly, green slugs from outer space are only afraid of cute, friendly, pink bunnies with rubber noses."

"And how do you know this?" asked Voldemort

"The space slugs sent me a message on videotape!"

"What?"

"It's true!" Harry said. He dropped his voice to a whisper and his eyes darted around nervously, "I'll show you!"

**Oh no! What will the video show? Okay, well this turned out better than I expected, but wasn't the greatest. 'Call Me Voldy' is pretty good for my first fic. Anyway, please review, oh loyal fans, if you want ever want to see the next chapter. (Gee, this sounds like blackmail!). **


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